Security guards are sometimes witness to the artful and scheming aspect of humanity. Here are some of the most memorable issues that two veterans of the Ottawa security scene instructed this newspaper they’ve needed to take care of at numerous occasions round the metropolis, in their own phrases:
1) “A girl tried to sneak a non-service animal cat onto Parliament Hill twice in the identical day. First time in a child stroller, the second time beneath her jacket.
2) “We caught a pair of folks with these bras you possibly can fill with alcohol. You are standing there, observing the crowd, and something odd catches your eye so you monitor it. Then the man next to her leans his face into her chest and you figure out what is happening.
3) “A woman caught backstage had to be escorted out by police after refusing to leave, putting up a fight, etc. After chirping the police the whole way out and getting out of the area onto the sidewalk she shouts a final f— you and flashes the police. Turns around to walk away, and slams directly into a streetlight post, face first. One of the funniest things I have ever seen and complete instant karma.
4) “After-show garbage on the ground often contains weaves and sometimes bra fillers (those chicken cutlet-looking things).
5) “The amount of people who are walking around with personal massagers in their purses or bags is amusing when you are doing bag searches.
6) “Anyone who duct tapes something to their body to sneak it in and their discomfort when they then have to take it off. Lots of men missing patches of body hair from those incidents.
7) “Knives. Not so much that people would carry a utility knife for their own daily life purposes such as opening boxes at work, cutting rope or zip ties for fencing, or those tactical ones with a seatbelt cutter and a car window breaker on it, but that people are so shocked to find out that they cannot bring that item into a venue/event. Related to this is the number of items that are designed to be weapons or are being used as one. Screwdrivers that have been sharpened or filed to a finer point, kitchen knives, machetes, brass knuckles and other improvised weapons. I’m 100 per cent happy that they do not make it in, but also really disappointed that people in our society feel they need to be armed like this. The bleeding-heart liberal in me really feels for individuals who are so afraid that they feel they need these things to be safe.
8) “Bottles or bags of pills partially in or having slipped out of orifices. Airplane bottles of alcohol, too. Generally anything in people’s underwear that they are trying to sneak in.
9) “Something that is sometimes awkward, but I think is positive to see, is when someone has a “planning on getting laid tonight” bag with them. Condoms, lube, change of underwear, gum or mints, toothbrush and toothpaste, and deodorant. Fully support people planning ahead and playing safe.
10) “Individuals/couples doing publicly inappropriate sexual things in the brush, corners or in porta potties.
11) “A woman tried coming in with a big butcher knife in her bag and her excuse was that she was cutting roses in her garden before coming and forgot it in her bag.
12) “My least favorite thing is when people pee in the crowd. Either in a bottle, on someone else, or the dreaded at-the-front-by-the-barricade. Nothing worse than walking by and getting a hot stream of urine on your legs.
13) “We have caught patrons trying to sneak alcohol into the event in sunscreen bottles, binoculars, cellphones, umbrella handles. Even alcohol-soaked tampons.”